That Time I Made a Giant Witch's Cauldron
Out of Cardboard. While Pregnant. That's How Dedicated I am to the Spooky Life.
Picture it: Mid-September 2022. Me, six-going-on-seven months pregnant with my first child. Bone tired, life force being sucked into my uterus, unsure of the future, trying to figure out the way to make the best of my last few months with ample free time.
Oh my god, the FREE TIME. You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.
So what did I end up spending the last dregs of my childfree life on? Duh. I spent the next six weeks “crafting” a three-foot cauldron out of cardboard pizza circles and duct tape.
Like you do.
I’ve always wanted my own cauldron, and not a little dinky one, either. I wanted a Hocus Pocus-level cauldron, one large enough for an adult human to sit in. A proper cauldron worthy of a proper witch.
The extra-large cauldron options are slim. Even if you shop online, you’re lucky to find an 18” cauldron. Pitiful! A disgrace! Unless you're blessed enough to inherit1/ rich enough to buy2 an authentic cast iron cauldron, crafting your own is really the only option.
Most of the DIY cauldron tutorials I found involved a giant exercise ball and obscene amounts of paper mache. The results were the correct size, but a little… lumpy and uneven? Perhaps a great look if you’re aiming for a whimsical effect, but I wanted this thing to look REAL. I wanted passersby to see this on my front porch and think I was brewing potions to suck the lives out of all the children of Salem.
That left me with the method I eventually went with, which involves attaching halved cardboard pizza circles at a 90-degree angle to a plastic rope tote, then taping/ paper macheing over these to create the cauldron shape.
I know that’s a very confusing description, because every time I told friends, family, and coworkers what I was spending hours doing every night, none of them understood what I was talking about until I showed them pictures of the process.
Luckily for you, I have the below series of pictures, which I took while creating this monster:
Besides a lone Pinterest pin, which came with no attached instructions, tips, or notes, I found this write-up on HalloweenForum.com. This was the only source on the internet.
And there’s good reason for that. Because doing this is a pain in the butt. No sane person with obligations or a social life would choose this. So I guess you could say I was perfect for the task. I knew going in that this was going to be a tedious project that would take hours upon hours of repetitive work. But I also knew this would be my last chance to do such a stupid, pointless thing.
I spent about twoish hours every night for six weeks gluing, taping, paper macheing, and painting. I justified all this work by telling myself I'd take a picture of my daughter in it on her first Halloween - like one of those washtub baby pictures, but spooky.
And I still didn’t get done in time for Halloween. I finished the dang thing in October of 2023, adding handles and spraying on a rubberized coat.
Except for the odd photo opp, it's useless. I don't dare put it on the porch because I'm afraid the humidity will make it molder. It takes up the entire storage space under our basement stairs. Very impractical.
But I got the greatest picture I've ever taken out of it:
Worth it! 10/10 would do again.
Is anyone else like this? Leave a comment and tell me about your Halloween crafts and DIYs! Or, let me know if you’re a glutton for suffering and want to make this thing on your own. I’d be happy to share some tips!
Keep it Spooky!
-H. H. Duke is a writer, author, and podcaster. But most importantly she loves horror! Subscribe today for horror reviews, book recommendations, and all-around spooky vibes!
Real talk - there’s a house I drive by on the regular that has not one, but TWO giant cast iron cauldrons rusting away in their front yard. It takes so much self control not to go dig them out of the ground in the middle of the night.
Joke’s on me - with the amount of of money I spent on this thing I could have bought this real-life cast iron cauldron. Especially if you factor in the amount of time I spent on it
That is some next level crafting.