"The First Omen" Horror Thoughts
Warning: Don't Watch While Pregnant
If there’s one thing you realize as a preggo horror fan it’s just how many horror properties have to do with pregnancy, motherhood, or creepy children.
This point really solidified for me while watching 2022’s Barbarian, one of the last movies I saw in-theater before the birth of my daughter. Namely, the scene where the monstrous, tunnel-residing “mother” was trying to force-insert a dirty bottle into Justin Long’s mouth (WHERE DID THE MILK COME FROM?? I need to know for my own peace of mind.)
That was over a year ago. So when one of my friends wanted to see The First Omen on Friday, I decided I had no real excuse not to go.
Now, possession stories aren’t normally my cup of tea. I dislike franchises almost as a rule. I find stories about demons and devils in the Catholic tradition tired. I’m pretty sure I saw the original at one point, and I remember (or dreamt up in a fugue state) two things: a priest is killed by a falling pane of glass towards the start of the movie, and the nanny leaps to her death somewhere in the middle.
I feel like I know the gist of the movie via cultural osmosis, though. So I decided to dip my toe back into the pool of neonatal horror — and though it ended up being more like high-diving into said pool, I’m glad I did! This was an enjoyable watch and I would recommend it.
Maybe not if you’re pregnant, though.
Horror thoughts:
Below are my stream-of-conscious thoughts on The First Omen, delivered in mostly chronological order. Spoilers ahead.
Hmm. A hero-shot of a pane of stained glass being foisted into the air right above a doorway. Where have I seen this before? Bold, using the same set-piece as the original. That thing is definitely taking someone out. Is it going to be Tywin Lannister, or the father from the Vvitch? Oh, it’s neither! What a good fake-out call-back to a... oh, wait, why is Tywin turning around so slowly? Oh.
Hmm, loving the opening sequence. Rome is gorgeous! It’s so cool how the nuns, priests, and other members of the church are portrayed so happily, and not cold and austere like they usually are. Did that nun just make a dirty joke? Is that another nun on a trampoline? Love it! It would really suck if these people all turn out to be members of an off-shoot of the church who roofied and had our protagonist date-raped and impregnated by her own father… oh.
What’s up with the roommate? Are would-be nuns allowed to wear short skirts and makeup? I mean, maybe they’re technically allowed to, but wouldn’t they be getting a stern talking-to or something, or at least be given dirty looks by the other nuns? I guess these are the chill, trampoline-jumping type of nuns, so maybe it makes sense.
What’s up with the birthing room scene? Why are there not one, but two curtainless windows into the room from the main hallway? Are there not dozens of children wandering by at will? Do unmarried mothers not deserve privacy? Oh, I guess they’re just going to show us the whole vagina. Like, the whole thing. Ugh, is it crowning? I’m having flashbacks to the videos they showed in my birthing class. Ugh, it’s coming out… oh, thank god it’s just a creepy demon hand! Whew. I thought I was about to see something truly traumatic, like the miracle of birth!
The self-immolation/hanging scene was just kind of meh. It’s obviously a call-back to the nanny’s death in the original (assuming I didn’t dream that part up), but of all the set-pieces in this movie this is the least effective to me.
Ugh, Paolo got cut in half by the truck! Didn’t anyone ever tell Margaret not to touch it until the paramedics arrive? I’ll let it slide because this was a great sequence. Did this remind anyone else of the wife’s death in Signs?
I call bullpucky on Margaret not knowing about the devil’s mark on her scalp. Surely she would have caught a brush on it at some point in her life.
Ah, so both Carlita and Margaret are offspring of the Jackal. We all knew that, though, right? Not much of a reveal.
The rapid pregnancy scene is great. The actress portraying Margaret, did such a great job. And it’s so disturbing.
The part where Cardinal Lawrence is telling Margaret how much he loves her while at the same time subjecting her to the most horrific experience of her life is absolutely chilling. It’s chilling because he believes he loves her like a father. And how many children have been abused by parents who say they love them? Disgusting.
In that vein, why is Cardinal Lawrence so close to Margaret, but not to Carlita? He does nothing to protect her from the nuns’ neglect.
Why is Carlita in the room, anyway? What do the cultists have to gain from letting her see what’s going on? Presumably, she would be their “backup” if something went wrong with the birth. On a similar note, why was Paolo (who Luz must have paid off for seducing Margaret) allowed to watch the ceremony?
Kill it, Margaret! But don’t, it’s just a baby! But also the antichrist! Damn it, these decisions seemed a lot more simple before I had a baby of my own. If I ever find out my daughter’s the antichrist and I’m the only one who can stop her the world is so screwed.
So they’re just abandoning the Jackal to burn and die? Wham, bam, thank-you-ma’am, just like that? He studded for them for at least eighteen years. That’s got to mean something. They really are putting all their chips on this one kid, aren’t they?
I’m glad Margaret and Carlita were able to escape to the Italian Alps with Margaret’s sister-daughter. But this ending has sequel written all over it. Sigh. Damn franchises.
The ending made me roll my eyes. “they gave him a name! Damien.” Much gravitas! Hard cut to credits! It’s so heavy-handed. Most people seeing this movie already know the baby is Damien, right? And for those who haven’t seen the original, the ending will come off as confusing and bizarre.
So what did you think of The Last Omen?
-H. H. Duke